matacahaya!

“The Jewels”
Charles Baudelaire

–The lamp had resigned itself to dying.
The hearth alone illuminated the room,
and each time it heaved forth a flaming sigh,
flooded her amber skin with blood!

(from “Fleurs du Mal” one of 6 poems banned by French censors in 1857)

I guess I know it when I’m bored with my life. At that particular boiling point, I drown my self on books.
Now, my passion is on Mr. Pramoedya Ananta Toer’s Buru Tetralogy. When I still have 3 more books to read.
To Kill A Mockingbird-Harper Lee, Les’Miserables-Victor Hugo and Ayat-ayat Cinta-Habiburrahman El Shirazy.
I think my brain is going to blown away. Reading all that books…heuaheauhea..

I guess I know it when that loneliness choked me in a bleak morning-after-morning. At that particular stage. I take refugee into a drawing. I love to draw face in a Mattise kindda way with my graphite stick. Until my fingers become as black as a night.

I guess I know it when my life becoming one of the dramas plot. At that particular restlessness. I force my self into being a crazy writer. Until the realization of chaotic mind of my own became limited, uncategorized and unexplainable. I still wrote. Making another secret blog nonetheless, a place I could write without people peering down to what I had to say.

But…

What happen if that three feelings forcing suddenly?.
Bored and Lonely while i’m trying to escape from this drama of life?….
I can’t read, I can’t draw, I can’t write….
In the end all of this just would made me laugh
HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!.HA!……