” i hurt, like no one else on earth, mars or even altair IV” Julien Janvier

*with evergreen by hyde in the background

nothing related between this two things…jeux d’enfants (2003) is a french cinema that i love to watch over and over and over again….while evergreen’s hyde is a song that really stuck in my head recently. this movie and song turn me into a manic-depressive girl i thought i left a long long time a go….but yeah, i’m not woke up grumpy and yelled at the silver morning that come up at my window pane..instead i have this feeling of hating. hating someone that hurt my self badly. sort of a feeling that looked like a black sticky konnyaku bubbles. i hate konnyaku bubbles…

then someone texted me ” what about date? ”
and my stupid reply was ” hah!!? date? when and what for?”
and his reply was ” why you are so surprised that i ask you to go on a date?its up to you….”

HA HA HA HA..yeah..why i have to jumpin’ out off by butt??? maybe bcoz that offering come up from you dear…:), like you said..i’m gonna take my self in a jeopardy if we go out on a date..and i done with sins..no more sins…i would like to just watching this movie for the four-fucking-neatly-times and hear hyde sung this song on my mp3 player over and over until the battery is low.

I read his friend’s blog just the day before, and his name was there. His comments were there. Happy and all.
Something sank.
I looked down.
It was my heart.

and also i heard this story that put my self into a BIG ironic human being. now that i have to try to be all sober like thats won’t hurt me much..but why this hate feeling keep growing and growing??.I don’t have the slightest idea where it was come from. Its come from my heart or my pride?….do i have to be this neurotic, melancholic, unstable, emotional, negative, and most of all primitive person? all because of this ‘jeux d’enfants” game that becoming “evergreen” in my stupid mind….do’oh!!!!

eerr..y’know what i mean?