matacahaya!

i will have a blue long weekend without you

” apa sih yang kamu cari dalam hidup ini? ” katanya.
duh! pertanyaan yang beraaat banged untuk bisa saya jawab.
dan saya cuma menggeleng untuk menjawabnya.
yah..apakah terlalu bodoh untuk tidak mengetahui apa yang saya inginkan untuk hidup saya?.
apakah terlalu tolol untuk tidak memiliki ambisi dan tujuan?
saya memang tidak punya dan tidak tahu kok…

masih bisa bangun pagi hari ini saja sudah alhamdulilah…
masih bisa makan siang dengan lauk telor dadar aja udah untung…
masih ada ongkos buat kerja besok aja sudah melegakan…
masih ada pulsa di hp buat sms aja udah seneng banged…
masih ada yang peduli dan tersenyum setiap pagi di y!m dan menyapa “pagiii”..aja udah membahagiakan….

saya tidak bisa bilang apa yang saya mau dalam hidup saya nanti-nanti…
saya mau bisa survive hari ini dan bisa bangun lagi esok hari..itu saja..

1. Bright Eyes a.k.a Conor Oberst..how adorable he is..lagunya enak-enak bangeeet…

2. Blue Christmas-Bright Eyes

3. Conor Oberst fall in love with him

4. Menyelesaikan ending cerpen Oceanus..malesssss bgt..stuck!!!..

5. Potong rambut…(memikirkan kapan saya sempat ke salon???)

6. Mau beli Eldest-nya Christoper Paolini tapi belum selesai membaca The Amber Room..

7. Merubah dekorasi kamar yang udah terasa membosankan

8. Mie Hitam

9. Mengapa film “Brokeback Montain Mountain” gag menang oscar???

10. Penasaran dengan lanjutan episode Bleach (baru ntn 1-7 dan terputus…huaaaaa) (

and what’s on your mind??

Mungkin ini berita yang agak basbang, kalau ternyata The Postal Service adalah side jobnya Ben Gibbard vokalis Dead Cab For Cutie bersama Jimmy Tamborello. Walau bukan penggemar DCFC saya bisa merasakan pengaruh DCFC di album The Postal Service, Give Up. Mungkin bukan secara musikalitas, tapi vokalis dengan suara se-khas Ben, bernyanyi di band manapun, pasti nuansanya akan mudah dikenali.

Album Give Up yang merupakan LP pertama mereka berisi lagu-lagu dengan track listing sebagai berikut :
01. the district sleeps alone
02. such great heights
03. sleeping in
04. nothnig better
05. recycled air
06. clark gable
07. we will become silhouettes
08. this place is a prison
09. brand new colony
10. natural anthem
lagu favorit saya, yang tentu saja tidak pernah bosan saya dengarkan berkali-kali adalah Such Great Heights dengan lirik yang ” mengharukan “..halah..

…And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you’re away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home….

Jadi inget film Almost Famous ga sih?? heuaheuah…dan jiwa groupie saya pun melanglang buana kala masih sempat-sempatnya mengikuti band-band macam Seven Deadly Sins atau Dagger Stab manggung….heuaheua..back to the album!..overall, band yang katanya mengusung indie-pop-electronika or whateva the name is..sungguh membuat saya begitu mencintai Tamborello karena sudah membangunkan Gibbard dari mimpi di siang bolongnya…

yang mau download silahkan
such great heights.MP3

” i hurt, like no one else on earth, mars or even altair IV” Julien Janvier

*with evergreen by hyde in the background

nothing related between this two things…jeux d’enfants (2003) is a french cinema that i love to watch over and over and over again….while evergreen’s hyde is a song that really stuck in my head recently. this movie and song turn me into a manic-depressive girl i thought i left a long long time a go….but yeah, i’m not woke up grumpy and yelled at the silver morning that come up at my window pane..instead i have this feeling of hating. hating someone that hurt my self badly. sort of a feeling that looked like a black sticky konnyaku bubbles. i hate konnyaku bubbles…

then someone texted me ” what about date? ”
and my stupid reply was ” hah!!? date? when and what for?”
and his reply was ” why you are so surprised that i ask you to go on a date?its up to you….”

HA HA HA HA..yeah..why i have to jumpin’ out off by butt??? maybe bcoz that offering come up from you dear…:), like you said..i’m gonna take my self in a jeopardy if we go out on a date..and i done with sins..no more sins…i would like to just watching this movie for the four-fucking-neatly-times and hear hyde sung this song on my mp3 player over and over until the battery is low.

I read his friend’s blog just the day before, and his name was there. His comments were there. Happy and all.
Something sank.
I looked down.
It was my heart.

and also i heard this story that put my self into a BIG ironic human being. now that i have to try to be all sober like thats won’t hurt me much..but why this hate feeling keep growing and growing??.I don’t have the slightest idea where it was come from. Its come from my heart or my pride?….do i have to be this neurotic, melancholic, unstable, emotional, negative, and most of all primitive person? all because of this ‘jeux d’enfants” game that becoming “evergreen” in my stupid mind….do’oh!!!!

eerr..y’know what i mean?